Living in a nonsensical life:

  I have contemplated for a while on where I shall begin. However, it has not been effective. Undoubtedly, the reason for this would be the multitude of perceptions I am confronted with. My mind apparently cannot concentrate and focus on one long enough to remember. In turn, if I cannot remember, I am unable to retain any of my thoughts and ideas. I go to the point that I do not remember if I jst asked a question.

Let me just start off by explain who I am and what got me to this point.

I never thought like I thought I should think. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I didn’t know what to do about it.

I was always a though thing to handle, even long before took my first. I am fighter. I was conceived after my mother tried my mom passed on the operating table, if I remember correctly, twice giving birth to me. I was in the hospital for weeks in an incubator before my mother was able to even hold me.

When I was growing up, I would land in the hospital for days.  To this day, I still vividly remember one of the many times that I was omitted for 'double pneumonia'. I was so sick, it was one of only two times I actually miss a few seconds of reality, also known as to having a 'blackout'. Soon after the nursed had me lay on a freezing sheet of gel. A gel so cold, it froze me to the bone and almost forced me to curled up on the floor. In my mind, the floor unquestionably had to be warmer than the gel. I overheard a nurse speaking outside my door about how I was only getting worse. While, at this time, I thought I was getting better. That was moral depressor, needless to say.

I don’t even remember being brought into the hospital. The next morning, a young male nurse was talking to me, asking questions on how I was feeling. He paused, looked at me, perhaps noticing my unmindful reaction to his words, spoke "I asked you that same thing last night. You don’t remember, do you?" I, astonished, shook my head no.

Hospital visits were coming yearly for ear infections also. Every year, almost to the month, I would be admitted for ear infections.

........

This to be cont.

I will, for the lack of direction, write as sporadic as my mind thinks. Forgive me for the disorganization.  However, as a result, I hope to gather it all and provide a ‘path'.  I hope opening my mind to others will help us all focus and connect thoughts and concepts to live in and appreciate ‘the BIG picture.’